Cloud Strife’s standard 1st Class SOLDIER uniform is just as confused as he is. I don’t think many people noticed it in the original, but it’s more than just a purple jumpsuit. First, the uniform consists of a black corduroy shirt. Really. A corduroy shirt as a part of an official military uniform. Ok. As for the bottom, “parachute pants”. No, wait – these are “Hammer Pants”, the same baggy pants MC Hammer danced in during the late 80’s. You really can’t touch this.
Seriously, why would any military issue nylon pants with corduroy? From a practical standpoint, it makes sense. Corduroy is a durable fabric that can keep the mid-section warm, while Hammer Pants provide mobility and ventilation. It looks odd, but it’s practical.
However, nothing compares to what Cloud decided to wear during his time in Corneo Mansion:
Here, Cloud looks like a grandmother going to a mock ball for homeless people. It doesn’t matter whether or not he has a “clean”, “soft” and “shiny”, or even “shimmering” dress.
She’s essentially wearing it to a man who plans to use this opportunity as a late night booty call. It doesn’t matter which wig he wears, his original hair will always poke through. Even if it didn’t, he looks like a drag queen with placement issues. The tiara just makes it look cheesy, and who knows why he had to wear an undergarment.
None of this makes any sense. And none of it compares to the fact that he’s still wearing his SOLDIER combat boots. Seriously. Cloud is still wearing the same brown boots he would have worn with his SOLDIER uniform. On our quest to find clothing articles for Cloud’s transformation, we don’t pick out shoes. At least, not in the original Final Fantasy VII.