How does one summarize the often complicated plot of the Final Fantasy series? Several people have done it, to surprisingly humorous effects.
Lulcielid found whereismywizardhat‘s concise summaries on Twitter:
Final Fantasy I – Four Heroes Break A Time Loop
Final Fantasy II – Star Wars Where The Emperor Dies And Then Comes Back As The Devil And Then Dies Again And Then Comes Back As God And Then Gets Killed By Obi-wan
Final Fantasy III – Four Orphans Fight A Man Who Threw A Hissy Fit Over His Inheritance
Final Fantasy IV – Star Wars But The Emperor Is A Space Ghost On The Moon
Final Fantasy V – Evil Giving Tree And His Gay Lover Fight A Confused Harem Protagonist And His Princesses
Final Fantasy VI – Star Wars But The Emperor Is Killed And Replaced By The Joker Halfway Through, Racism is Bad
Final Fantasy VII – Eco-terrorists Recruit Man With Padded Resume, Discover Corporate Greed Has Caused Giant Meteor To Be Elected, Hold Recount
Final Fantasy VIII – A Group of Cadets Find Out They All Lived At The Same Orphanage: Amnesia To Blame, Lead May Be Dead
Final Fantasy IX – Star Wars But The Main Characters Are Either Clones Or Princesses
Final Fantasy X – Daddy Issues, the Real Sports Story, With Special Guest Christian Guilt Complex
Final Fantasy XI – Giraffe And Friends Stop The Writer From Erasing This Game
Final Fantasy XII – Star Wars But Half The Bad Guys Aren’t Actually That Bad. Except for Judge Bergan, That Guy Is A Dick
Final Fantasy XIII – Being The Chosen One Will Kill Your Dating Life
Final Fantasy XIV – Heroes Saved The World From Bad Gameplay, Bugs
Final Fantasy XV – A Bachelor Party Goes Very Badly
This one’s from facebook. I can’t find the author. But if you know of any leads, let me know below!
Final Fantasy: Some jerk in armor says he’ll knock you down. You kick his ass and he becomes a god.
Final Fantasy II: David Bowie decides Earth isn’t enough to rule so he takes Heaven and Hell too.
Final Fantasy III: Stormy weather is a pain in the ass and also kinda hot. Also, Onions.
Final Fantasy IV: The world’s slowest on the uptake knight decides to turn good just as his best friend decides to bitch about the friendzone and try to kill him. This leads to them beating up Darth Vader and flying to the moon to fight a cockroach.
Final Fantasy IV The After Years: How much shit can happen to the same guy twice?
Final Fantasy V: An awkwardly named boy sets off on a quest to chop down a tree.
Final Fantasy VI: The Joker decides to kill Hitler and blow up the planet. Also, opera.
Final Fantasy VII: A goth with an Oedipus complex decides to ruin the life of a spiky haired lad with severe emotional issues.
Final Fantasy VII Crisis Core: Zack Fair’s badass as usual. Sephiroth goes crazy, Genesis screws everyone over with his universe’s equivalent of Twilight, and Cloud turns emo.
Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus: Vincent gets confused and thinks he’s Shadow the Hedgehog.
Final Fantasy VIII: High school sucks. Having to kill between classes and beat up an old witch while your teacher hits on you sucks even more.
Final Fantasy IX: Goku sets off with a girl and some Muppets to lay the smack down on his S&M fetishist brother and his robot overlord boss. Also, food.
Final Fantasy X: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy…? Also, abusive dads suck.
Final Fantasy X-2: Charlie’s Angels go looking for a blonde seagull who may or may not be alive.
Final Fantasy XI: Square Enix used Ultima! Time K.O.!
Final Fantasy XII: Aladdin joins the Rebel Alliance and beats up Judge Dredd. Also, bunny girls.
Final Fantasy XII Revenant Wings: He may look like Jesus, but he hates your guts. Also, flying judge!
Final Fantasy XIII: The Robot Pope decides he’s had enough, so it’s up to a pissed off soldier, Duke Nukem’s surfer cousin, Richard Pryor, and two Aussie lesbians to save the world.
Final Fantasy Type-0: High school really, really, sucks
Final Fantasy XIII-2: Axl Rose is pissed, so he decides to kill time, literally.
Final Fantasy XIV: Buggier than Yevon and Zeromus combined, the rerelease is much better. Lightning Returns Final Fantasy XIII: Majora’s Mask with a cyberpunk aesthetic. Also. Dressing up Lightning: The game.
Final Fantasy XV: Derpy Boy Band Goths do stuff…eventually. If it doesn’t get delayed again.
Final Fantasy Tactics: The Church is actually the Demons. Oh snap.
Final Fantasy Tactics Advance: One boy decides to stage an intervention for his Final Fantasy addicted friends.
Final Fantasy Tactics A2: I’m going to spend my vacation AT THE LIBRARY!
Dissidia: Final Fantasy: DBZ Budokai Tenkaichi with all your old friends. Also, Kefka trolls everyone.
Final Fantasy Dissidia 012 duodecim: Kain joins with Lightning, Yuna, Laguna, Vaan, and Tifa and a thousand fan art pieces were born.
Final Fantasy: X-Y-ingly popular JRPG-series. ABSOLUTELY NOT Exactly What It Says on the Tin.
Final Fantasy II: La Résistance saves the world from The Empire.
Final Fantasy III: Four orphans fight off the approaching darkness to save two worlds.
Final Fantasy IV: An errant knight renounces his former ways and helps both himself and his friends, with the ultimate fates of the world and the moon in the balance.
Final Fantasy V: An Idiot Hero, an amnesiac old man and a whole lot of princesses save the world from an evil tree by cosplaying.
Final Fantasy VI: La Résistance saves the world from The Empire, only to be forced to save it again from something even worse.
Final Fantasy VII: A Ragtag Bunch of Misfits saves the world from a creepy guy and his mom by the decisive use of giant swords and magical, multicolored balls.
Final Fantasy VIII: A teenage mercenary with abandonment issues falls in love and saves the world.
Final Fantasy IX: A thief and his True Companions save their Puni Plush world. OR: Roguish thief falls for runaway princess, also aliens.
Final Fantasy X: Athlete with daddy issues gets teleported to another world to save it from a giant cetacean. OR: Star-crossed children attempt to surpass celebrity dads.
Final Fantasy XI: Final Fantasy goes Mumorpuger.
Final Fantasy XII: La Résistance saves the world from an evil empire. And a couple of kids tag along for the ride.
Final Fantasy XIII: A team of six who get in touch with their feelings and bitchin’ tattoos have to figure out how to save the world or become Silent Hill residents.
Final Fantasy XIV: Rocks fall, director Yoshi-P makes Square Enix profitable again with the relaunch of the failed 2nd MMORPG in their flagship Final Fantasy series.
Final Fantasy XV: A Warrior Prince and his True Companions have a road trip to get his family’s Hyperspace Arsenal, encounter Physical Gods, and save the world from an evil empire.
Final Fantasy Tactics: In a World… without noses, a nobleman who falls from grace saves the world while his non-noble friend ascends to political power.