So Nomura actually wants to see remakes of Final Fantasy V and VI. I think this is a brilliant idea! But I don’t want a simple graphical rehaul. I want an entirely new script and re-imagined characters in a gritty reboot that’ll appeal to a new generation of fans!
OK, so you know how Terra is a catalyst for many of the game’s events? I think she has a good story arc, but I would shorten it for Shadow. You know, there’s a lot of potential for Shadow’s character, especially for him to take the lead.
For example, Shadow used to go by the name of Clyde, a thief who worked with his partner, Baram. What if, as a child, Shadow’s partner was gunned down by an unknown soldier of the Gestahlian army in, oh I don’t know, a Vector alleyway. And what if, after witnessing this and being haunted by his dreams, Clyde joins the Vector army to work for Ra’s al Gestahl. After stealing money from a train, he becomes a gillionaire by day, crime fighter by night.
Now let’s imagine that Kefka, a small-time general in the Gestahlian army, just decides to create chaos for chaos’ sake? With the help of Commissioner Banon, chief of the Returners, and Edgar Roni Figaro, a young king and district attorney of Figaro Kingdom, Shadow sets out on a mission to take down
the Kefka (I was thinking about calling him “The Jester”, but Kefka’s fine too).
We could call it Final Fantasy VI Begins or T
he Shadow (aww man, it’s taken already?)
The Dark Shadow Rises (there, perfectly original). Check out this script so far:
Shadow gets up from the bed in his inn, raises a beer glass.
SHADOW: Generals aren’t complicated, Strago. We just have to figure out what he’s after.
STRAGO: Respectfully, Master Shadow, perhaps this is a man you don’t fully understand, either. During the War of the Magi, Gungho and I were working for the Thasmacan government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of the Espers, bribing them with precious Magicite. But their trains were being raided in the Phantom Forest.
SHADOW: …you don’t say.
STRAGO: We were asked to take care of the problem, so we started looking for the stones. But after six months, we couldn’t find anyone who had traded with him.
SHADOW: …oh – oh yeah?
STRAGO: Yesterday, I found Relm playing with Magicite as big as a Moogle’s pom-pom. The bandit had been throwing the stones away.
SHADOW: So, he…uh…thought they weren’t worth a lot of gil then, huh?
STRAGO: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren’t looking for anything logical, like money… they can’t be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
Shadow stares at Strago. Reaches for the Genji Gloves.
OMG guys! This is classic script writing! I think I’m really onto something here…
I will have to make other changes to the story though. For example, over the course of the game:
- Edgar snaps after being burned in a fire that destroys his castle. He then becomes “Gerad” and every decision he makes is based on a coin toss.
- Instead of Celes stabbing Kefka, she stabs Shadow for betraying her father who – surprise! – was actually Emperor Gestahl all along!
- Sabin suplexes and nearly cripples Shadow for trying to leave him in the Phantom forest.
- RACHEL! dies after being consumed by a Phoenix explosion.
- Cid makes all of Shadow’s ninja gear and is CEO of his company Vector, Inc…
- Shadow drives a vehicle called “Interceptor”.
- Relm dons the Cat-Ear Hood and becomes a cat burglar.
- Ultros poisons Doma with a fear toxin so he can…???…I don’t know, actually. I guess just for fun, maybe?
- Locke’s real name is
RobinSeagull. Because…yeah, sure – why not?
And if you’re not impressed by my completely original and unique script, check out these character specific quotes:
Banon: Because he’s the hero the World of Ruin deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him. Because he’ll slit his mama’s throat for a nickel. He’s a silent guardian. A watchful protector. A…uh, Shadow…
Edgar: Auto Crossbow, 125 attack power. Made in Vector. If you want to kill a king, I recommend you buy from South Figaro.
Edgar: You either die a hero or you live long enough to see yourself in the World of Ruin.
Kefka: You wanna know how I got this Magicite?
Kefka: Why so submariner?
Kefka: Let’s get a little sand out of my boots!
Kefka: How ‘bout a little Magitek mayhem? I’m going to make this pencil disappear…
Kefka: And here…we…Uwee-hee-hee…Heh-heh-heh!! Hee-hee-hee…
Shadow: I’m not wearing Mythril Shields!
Sabin: No one cared who I was until I put on the Tiger Mask.
Sabin: The Shadow betrays you because his job is done and he’s earned his pay.
Sabin: Oh, yes! I was wondering what would break first…Your spirit [suplexes Phantom Train] OR YOUR CABOOSE!
OMG, I’m a genius! Someone get Nomura on the line! This story is perfect, you guys!
DO NOT STEAL!
Speaking of remakes, I have another idea for Final Fantasy V. This one involves a character who wears blue, dons a red cape, and comes from another planet…