The following is a semantic satire. Take it easy, everyone.
Is it because only adults are keeping Final Fantasy going?
No. No. NO. Of course not. Clearly, not. Absolutely not. Stop flattering yourself with narcissistic nonsense. If you stopped playing Final Fantasy, they still have younger gamers to make up the majority of sales. And if all the adults stopped playing video games, gaming companies will still have the kids. And Square Enix will just compete to get that market.
Yes, older Final Fantasy fans really are purchasing Final Fantasy. Do you know why? They started playing when they were kids. Kids. And that’s who they continue to market to that kid in the back of an adult’s mind. That’s nothing to be ashamed about – it is what it is. They might add a few “adult” things here and there, but it’s a shonen at heart.
“But Gary, I don’t know any kids who play Final Fantasy.”
Of course, you don’t. You know how creepy and pathetic it would be? You, a twenty-year-old gamer, talking to children about Final Fantasy? Are they family members? No? How embarrassing. I wouldn’t do that. You wouldn’t do that. You just stay in your bubble with the other fans of this great series. That’s all who you’d want to associate yourself with anyways. You’re not on the same page with a kid.
But kid Final Fantasy fans exist, and you can tell by the way they continue to make Final Fantasy for the 8 – 14-year-old audience.
Listen, Batman is for kids. That man running around in bulletproof tights calling it a bat costume? That man trying to clean up all crime by literally scaring criminals and “beating them up” is for kids. He’s always been for kids. Even the Dark Knight movies sell toys for children. Ever since late 1930, Batman was a kid’s comic. Batman’s cool, yeah! But when they added Robin, his sidekick, in 1940? Detective Comic sales nearly doubled because kids had someone to relate to.
Holy prepubescent child, Batman! Kids wanted to be Robin back then so they could imagine themselves as Robin next to Batman. It was truly a different era when kids wanted to be kids. And adults didn’t care for Batman like that.
Now kids are finding out that being a kid is lame. You can’t do anything as a kid. So what happens when they see Robin alongside a 30-year old emotionally-stunted, super soldier with ninja skills? Kids say “There’s no way Batman would hang out with that loser. He’s just a kid.” No one wants to be a kid anymore. Kids can’t do anything cool like drive, vote, smoke, drink, and fight for their country in a war. Being a kid is lame, so Robin is lame. They want to be adults, so now kids want to be like Batman.
Kids know how lame and creepy it is for an older man to befriend a young boy. Batman isn’t lame. Why is he hanging around Robin? Then again, Batman has the mind of a child himself. His mission lends itself to child logic from an emotionally-stunted billionaire.
Where are those kids now? Watching Batman. Every business knows: you hook’em young early on. Then you have a steady income stream for at least a decade.
You as an adult love Final Fantasy games, because Square’s wide net drew you in when you were a kid.
Then again, maybe you do know a couple of kids?
Chill out, I love Final Fantasy too. I don’t have to be a kid though…